February 19, 2012
It’s been a day and a half of love and beauty as I once
again experimented with living my life “as-if” I’ve forgiven, “as-if” I trust
Alan. It’s been good. Last night I slipped. AS I looked in the mirror yesterday to try to
see myself and remember who I am and that God loves me and that this situation
isn’t my fault, I felt the confirming witness of the Holy Ghost that I am a
daughter of Heavenly Father who loves me, that this isn’t my fault, that I am
lovable, beautiful and that His Grace is upon me. I felt those beautiful feelings and the
pain. Oh how difficult and beautiful
this affliction is. For the blessings
are tremendous – things I’ve desired my whole life are unfolding as miracles in
my life. I’m learning to love God, I’m remembering
who I am, I know my mission & purpose in life, I am blessed on every hand,
I am surrounded by love, support, friendship, sisterhood, priesthood power,
help and the love of God all the time.
I know that it will be okay, that God will provide and get
me through this. I know that it will be
alright – even beautiful and amazing in the end. Where I am is where I am supposed to be. Even though I feel such loss and grief for
what is lost – I have only lost something broken and I know that the Lord’s
way, His plan are to restore my soul and my blessings, even exceedingly abundantly
more than I could hope for or imagine. I
do know that that is true. I’ve lost
sight of that last night & this morning, but I know that it is true. I know that He loves me perfectly, that His
hand is over all, that He is with me all the time, every moment. If I look up and reach for him – He will run
to me,
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