Sunday, January 19, 2014

Step 4 & a love note July 18, 2012

The girls and I are planning a gym free outing today - the library, then a museum...but the library doesn't open until 9 so they are working on art projects - construction paper flowers and pipe cleaners, scissors and markers are involved for Ruby and they are decorating the house and working on creative play - I sure love these girls of ours - I don't know how we qualify for the beautiful gifts that they are.  My heart is full of love this morning for my family. 
 
In the few minutes they were fully engrossed in play I thought I'd start to read over step four. I stopped in the second paragraph after I read "when we say fearless, we do not mean you will have no feelings of fear.  You will likely experience many emotions as you survey your life, including embarrassment or shame or fear.  Fearless means you will not let your fears stop you from being thorough in the inventory process."  I remembered a soul pricking article I read yesterday on Segullah: http://segullah.org/daily-special/brave/ Especially this part (I copied it into my ARP manual): "We go in and out of brave. Apparently, even the brave do... Sometimes it takes a long time to conjure the courage to acknowledge the truth. To say it. Or write it. To do the hard thing. To stand immovable – shaking in our boots, perhaps — but standing, nonetheless, in Truth. Brave isn’t fearless. Brave is being true to the truth despite our fear. It’s telling the truth to ourselves first, then voicing that truth to others, no matter what they think of us or do to us. Sometimes brave is being silent...
I don’t know if you ever feel brave in the middle of a brave act... Brave comes wrapped in fear. But it’s a celestial gift, worth the risk of opening. Because at the heart of Brave is Truth. And Truth is the only thing that can make us free."

That line about how brave comes wrapped in fear has attached itself to my soul and unconsciously I've been rolling it around - trying to feel and see the truth in that.  It is a beautiful piece of acceptance for me - It has been hard this year trying to "cast out fear" to resist it - to believe that faith & fear cannot co-exist but I think the light of this rings more true for me - that brave comes wrapped in fear - brave is doing the right thing even though you're scared through and through.  It means choosing the right path while gritting your teeth because the unknown seems so overwhelming. 

Awesome, just thought I'd share.
Thanks for being brave.  Thanks for digging deep for the truth and sharing it so bravely.  You are amazing.  You are brave.  You are inspiring.  I love you!  I love you so much!  With my whole heart. Thanks for being brave and kind and true and for patiently waiting for me:)
I love you!

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