Step 2 November 22, 2011

I read bishop Edgley's talk this morning - awesome and just what I need.  I'm needing a little more faith today:)  We've had almost 3 straight good days filled with love and the spirit at our house but I crashed again last night.  I'm hoping that recoveries will be quicker and happy times last longer as my husband and I continue to work on healing.

Step 2

 

This step is where I need to be right now, today.  I can see that I’m clinging to fear, afraid to let it go.  But I know that faith and fear cannot co-exist so I must let it go to enjoy the blessings of the Lord.

 

1. What evidences do I have that the Lord loves me and knows me and has throughout my life?
1. I am amazed and so grateful for all that God is showing me and teaching me.  The major blessings so far have been

                                                              i.      To know that everything will be okay

                                                            ii.      That He has always been with me and my children

                                                          iii.      He loves us, He knows us and He has always been with us, guiding us, protecting us, caring for us and carrying us

                                                          iv.      I know that He loves me

                                                            v.      I believe in Christ, I trust Him

                                                          vi.      I know that if we repent and turn to Christ, He can wash away our sins

                                                        vii.      I believe and I have felt that He can take our pain and our heartache and heal us from it

                                                      viii.      I have felt so quickly – 2 days after the discovery – joy, peace, happiness in the Lord, the reward for making and keeping covenants, I have felt His rest and it has been so full and sure and freeing that I know whatever the price to know God, it is worth it!

                                                          ix.      He has sent angels, with the right words, with love, just to show me that He cares and is aware of me.

                                                            x.      He has opened my eyes to the beauty that surrounds me so I feel that each butterfly, flower, mountain, smile and blue sky and sunrise were placed here just for meJ

                                                          xi.      He has spoken to me through my 3 year olds

 

 

2. What can I do to strengthen my belief that God has the power to restore me to complete spiritual and emotional health?
1. I’ve got to let go of the fear.  God can help me to let it go.  I need to remember how he has always been with me.  How he has always spoken to me and sent me help when I’ve needed it.  I can go forward with faith – NO FEAR!  And I know He will be here with me.  When it’s time to make choices, I can look to Him and He will guide me.  I know He can heal my heart and I know that by loving Him – putting Him first, He can speak to me – so clearly – in the temple, through priesthood leaders, on the mountain, early in the morning, through the scriptures.  I can remember to put Him first ALLWAYSJ

 

 

3. What are some ways I can recognize God’s deliverance happening in my own life?
1. By going/standing in Holy places – where He has spoken to me before and by recording His words to me where I can turn and read and remember.  Constant prayer, Consistently reading and standing in Holy places.

 

 

4. What are the things I can do that will bring me hope and help me become stronger in my recovery?
1. Weekly temple attendance
2. Early morning scripture reading
3. Openly talking with my husband
4. Meeting with the bishop as needed
5. Priesthood blessings
6. Exercise & healthy eating

 

 

5. What does my complete emotional and spiritual health look like to me?  Make a list of the ways that I would like to experience complete restoration.
1. Daily, constantly striving to have the Spirit
2. Turning to Christ, away from Satan at the first thought, not looking toward or dwelling on darkness
3. Goal setting & achieving
4. Learning – taking classes?
5. Time with friends
6. Time sewing
7. Being able to smile and laugh
8. Looking to God for love and comfort and safety
9. Decreasing feelings of anger/rage/resentment
10. Trusting my husband
11. Being gentle with myself
12. Constantly improving but remembering that having made and keeping my covenants and looking toward Christ are all that are required of me for salvation, that it is gained through Christ and I can daily repent, I’ll need to, I’m not meant to be perfect in this life, that is the plan
13. Seeing others through God’s eyes
14. Letting go of the pride – not judging others
15. Remembering that perfection is an illusion
16. Recognizing and appreciating the good in me
17. Giving gifts
18. Sharing
19. Knocking down my fortress walls, knowing I can’t protect myself but God can protect me, I know He can and will because I’ve seen how He’s been here all along, how He’s taught me lessons in the ways I’ve needed to learn them and He’s prepared me for them and all of my experiences have been and will be for my benefit when I let them, when I let God speak to me, when I look to Him and listen

 

 

6. What is a plan of self care that I can begin now and that I can continue that will support my recovery efforts?
1. Early morning prayer, scripture study, meditation
2. Weekly hiking
3. Piano lessons
4. Weekly spouse of addict meeting
5. Weekly temple attendance
6. Weekly date night
7. Weekly meal/schedule planning/family council
8. Evening walks
9. Nightly study/step program & prayer with my husband
10. Asking in prayer for healing, strength, repentance, direction in work, the Sprit and help in mothering

 

 

7. Which things have brought me hope?
1. I really find the most hope anytime I can feel the Spirit but especially in the temple, on the mountain, talking with my husband, and looking for God’s love

 

 

8. What can I do to increase my reliance upon the power of God?
1. Increasing my reliance upon the power of God is the key in this.  I believe that this trial is a needed blessing because it is teaching me to love God – first – most – and more than my husband.  As I put God first, as I look to Him to provide, protect  and guide me – He does and I see Him do it and I can easily recall that He has always been with me and provided for me and protected me and I discover that it has been during the most earth shaking times of my life that He has taught me the most so that I can see that whatever lies ahead will be full of good things, because with God, they are all good things.
2. I need to let go and let Him
3. I need to find all these fears and road blocks and give them to Him, ask Him to take them from me and guide me to where I need to go because I want to be with Jesus and be like Him and only He can show me the way.